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Cover Story

Celebrity Gadgets

By Waqas Hassan Sharif

Name: Steve Jobs

Gadget: The Apple

They say an apple a day keeps the doctor away but may be too much of Apple everyday eventually takes the Apple away. Steve Jobs, the Apple Chief Executive, is now on medical leave as he suffered a dramatic weight loss over the last year and was also diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Our advice for the CEO is: take a break from the virtual Apple and indulge in the real ones while Captain Cook is in charge.

Name: Meera

Gadget: IELTS Tutor Plus

Who's the hottest girl in the world? Our desi girl, our desi girl. Yes people, we give you the number one heroine of Lollywood; Meera. Mee-raw and her raw English have been world famous for quite some time now, and have been doing more business than the films themselves. Sadly, those days are coming to an end. On the advice of Mr. Mahesh Bhatt, Meera is now using the IELTS Tutor Plus. So say good bye to your headaches in the stomach and get ready for the new edition of Meera - 24/7 and understand the difference.

Name: Bill Gates

Gadget: The Bug Buster

What do Windows 95, 98, 2000, XP and Vista have in common? No, it's not Microsoft, but the unlimited number of bugs and errors in them. Even unborn babies know about the blue fatal error screen brought to us by Windows, courtesy yes, the creator Bill Gates. Our advice and humble request: please use Bug Buster and remove all the bugs before hand.

Name: Angelina Jolie

Gadget: The Incubator

Iam not married but I have six children, who am I? I am Angelina Jolie, of course!

The hottest woman in the world and the official Edhi Centre of Hollywood, Angelina Jolie, the goodwill ambassador of the United Nations Refugee Agency is also known as the Super Mama of Hollywood. Travelling around the world and performing small errands like adopting babies, the Jolie-Brad incubator is one of its kind, and is game for more innovations.

Name: George W. Bush

Gadget: George Bush Shoe brush

Inspired by the George Bush toilet brush, the George Bush Shoe brush is one collector's item. So what if the shoe missed the target (after all, shoes also have some self respect) this shoe brush can be used whenever your shoe needs it, though it can't clean up the mess created by the ex-President, it still comes in handy and can be used for telling the future generations about the most hated American president of the US.

Name: General Ashfaq Parvez Kayani

Gadget: Master Remote Control

He may be the 20th most powerful man in the world according to Newsweek, but we all know that he is the most powerful man in Pakistan. Yes, people, General Kayani, our very own Army chief, holds the master control of the country whether it's the political or the battle front, and we salute him for that. The master remote control allows him to control all the military might and also our goofing politicians. The master remote is the gadget that can maintain stability in the country.

Name: President Asif Ali Zardari

Gadget: The G man

Yes people, the most powerful dictator…oops…sorry the most powerful president in our history, uses this award winning gadget. The G man, as the name implies, (yes, you got it right, it's the 'G' (yes) man as we say it in Urdu), is an all programmed ultra-sophisticated gadget and only replies with a 'G' like in 'Gee' sir or 'Gee' saddar sahib; the perfect example of do as directed. Living just next to the Presidential Palace in the capital, the 'G' man sometimes gives gibberish statements, without the consent of the his advisors, but is always there to support democracy. Though it came with a five year limited warranty, the risk of corruption and getting expelled always exists.

PS: 'G' doesn't stand for Gillani.

Name: Sheikh Rashid

Gadget: The DSNG Vehicle

Sheikh Rashid Ahmed - the Rawalpindi Express of words and the star of every talk show. After losing the 2008 elections, people thought they wouldn't be able to enjoy the slickness of the Sheikh anymore, but thanks to our ever entertaining news channels, the awam didn't lose this guru of politics. The DSNG (Digital satellite news gathering) vehicle is now the election symbol of Sheikh Rashid for the next elections. The news channels salute the services of this gadget for bringing Sheikh Rashid live and exclusive to them from wherever they want, and whenever they want. The DSNG brings the Sheikh to world and is always keeping hamare Sheikh per nazar!

Name: Nawaz Sharif

Gadget: Iron men

Presenting you his Bigness, the Prime Minister of Punjab, the king of Lahore, the man who introduced General Pervez Musharraf, the unstoppable Nawaz Sharif. The name says it all. With an unmatched capability of protesting and puncturing the general's cycle, Sharif Foundries proudly present the Iron men.

With Iron men you can take out processions, make the liars…oops…Lawyers Movement look like a national movement, bring down the tough military dictators, take out long marches, blackmail a democratic government, bully governors, govern the para-likha Punjab and much more. These Iron men are men of principles, men of words and after all men of steel. Built in with the latest N-Tel's CJ processors these men are here to blast out the PCO people.

Name: President Obama

Gadget: Fair & lovely applicator

Ladies and Gentleman, bhaion aur un ki behno, we present to you the 44th President of the United States, Barack Hussein Obama. Yes people, the Afro American Dark Knight became the first black president of USA and the world is still amused to see that the President's residence is still being called the White House. So now what does the most powerful man on planet earth need? Yes, you are right, dance lessons but that can wait. As Black is the new White, we like to present the president a fair deal. Your very own Fair & Lovely applicator loaded with enough cream that can last for the next four years. Approved by the CIA, FBI, NSA, HLS, ISI, RAW, KGB, IB, FDA and Unilever, it is even Al-Qaeda proof. Just apply once a day and you will be whiter than the colour white itself. Fair & lovely applicator is your passport to a landslide victory in the next general elections; even if you go to war with more Islamic countries.