AAL IZZ WELL!

POLLUTICS

AAL IZZ

WELL

By Waqas Hassan Sharif

DATED: [19-03-2010]

Welcome to the Presidency!

If you are an American

Please dial 1

If you are from Switzerland

Please dial 2

If you are from the IMF

Please dial 3

If you are from the World Bank

Please dial 4

If you are a fool and want to make a donation

Please dial 5

If you have any idea how to save the NRO

Please dial 6

If you want to sign a petition regarding ban on Geo TV Network

Please dial 7

If you are the Army chief

Please feel free to dial any number of your choice

If you are a Pakistani national and most probably are in trouble

Please wait...

Caller 1: Hallo

Presidency: Welcome to the President's hotline, please state your problem:

Caller 1: I want to meet the President, please.

Presidency: And why do you want to meet the President?

Caller 1: I want to tell him that neither of us is 'Khan', but one of us is a terrorist.

Presidency: This is not funny!

Caller 1: Hahaha. Bye!

Caller 2: Hello, I am calling from Quetta and wanted to ask when we should expect the President to visit our city again?

Presidency: Why? Do you want to meet him and tell him that your name is Khan and you are not a …

Caller 2: No, of course not. Actually, my wife is pregnant and her due date is next week. So, I was kind of thinking if the President could visit sometime during next week…You see, I need advance warning so that I can book a rickshaw rather than an ambulance.

Presidency: No way!!! We are not going to offer five lac rupees. Do you think this is a joke?

Caller 2: Oh! So should I call the Prime Minister? I bet I can get him to give me Rs. 2.5 lacs if it's his motorcade that helps bring my baby into the world in a rickshaw…

Presidency: Fine, try calling him and now get lost.

President Asif Ali Zardari: Mr Gillani what are you doing? Answering my calls at my hotline?

Prime Minister Gillani: Sorry sir, I thought I would be able to talk to some Americans.

PAAZ: Any luck? Who were you talking to?

PMG: Sir, would you like to go to Quetta again, let's say … sometime during next week?

PAAZ: Quettaaaa!! No way!

Quetta Na Khappay!!!

My last trip there cost me a fortune.

PMG: You are right, I guess.

PAAZ: Why don't you go?

PMG: I don't want to lose Rs. 2.5 lacs, as the babies can be born anywhere, anytime. Besides, I have to prepare my big speech on Radio Pakistan for the coming Friday.

PAAZ: Why don't you get it published in Us Magazine? It also comes out on Fridays.

PMG: Sir, I talked to them but the Ed said that it would be published in the letters section and the Editor also said that they don't pay for letters.

PAAZ: So what did you expect them to do? Publish your address to the nation as a cover story!

Can't you read, it's in the name – 'Us' Magazine!

PMG: So what should I tell the awaam in my speech this Friday?

PAAZ: Tell them that ….ummm…..aaa..umm

Tell them that we have done a lot of work and awaam jald khush khabri sunay gi.

PMG: No sir, this will cause a lot of instability and jamhoriat ko khatra hoga.

PAAZ: Katra hoga Jamhoriat ko?

PMG: No sir, kHatra kHatra, KHatra from the Epiglottis!!

PAAZ: Acha! Kyun kHatra hoga?

PMG: Sir, last time I made this statement about the khush khabri thingy, people started speculating that you were resigning….

PAAZ: MR GILLANI, at least keep those forward messages on your cell to yourself when I am around.

Fine, leave the khush khabri wala part. Let me think of some thing.

PMG: Sir, we could tell them that-

PAAZ: We could also tell them that I have just signed the bill against Women Harassment at workplaces. How's that???

PMG: Sir, the awaam won't buy that. I mean they are going to come up with the same explanation that you enjoy immunity against lawsuits according to articles 247 and 248 of the Constitution of Pakistan.

PAAZ: What is that supposed to mean?

PMG: Sir, just another school of thought.

PAAZ: Keep your school to yourself and I think you should be the one getting worried.

PMG: Why me, sir?

PAAZ: Does YouTube ring any bells?

PMG: No sir, never heard of it.

PAAZ: Oh mera masoom bacha, then you are innocent.

PMG: We are still stuck, what am I going to tell the 16 crore awaam?

PAAZ: Leave it to the guys at PTV, they will write a speech for you.

PMG: Sir, I will address via Radio Pakistan not PTV.

PAAZ: Why not PTV?

PMG: Sir, I wanted to sell the rights of my speech but not one out of 100 news television channels were interested and somebody also told me that I would look dashing on radio.

PAAZ: I have been the President of Pakistan for almost two years. During this time, not even once have I addressed the nation live on television. I also tried selling the rights of my speech, offered a lifetime 10 percent discount.

PMG: Then sir?

PAAZ: The only offers I got were from PTV of course.

PMG: I have an idea, I will call the army chief, and he will tell me what to say about the operations in Swat and Malakand.

PAAZ: Yeah, sure. Do that. I have activated you, me and the Army chief on the family package.

PMG: Family package?

PAAZ: Yes, taakay

Zardari Gillani se

Gillani Kiyaani se

Kiyaani Zardari se

Gillani Zardari se

Jo jis se baat kaare, paise dein gae daddy!!!

PMG: By daddy you mean General Kiyaani!

PAAZ: Whatever you wish to say, Mr Prime Minister.

PMG: Sir, wasie aap ka nick also looks like a mobile company!! PAAZ!!!

PAAZ: Yes, of course. Corruption, Presidency & NRO per NO Samjhota, Aur Sunao!!!

PMG: I will call the general later.

PAAZ: I have an idea.

PMG: Yes?

PAAZ: Just tell the awaam: Pakistan is waqt nazuk mor se guzar raha hai,

Lekin is ka matlab ye nahin ke hum dar jaien,

Ye dushman ki chal hai,

Jamhoriiat ko destabilise kerna chahtay hain,

Jamhoriat key khilaf saazish hai,

Aaj hum qaum se aik ehad kerte hain,

Hum saab awaam aur mein Wazir-e-Azaam

aaj mil ker elaan kerte hain ke

AAL IZZ WELL, AAL IZZ WELL!!!!! "

PMG: What an idea, sir!!

PAAZ: I know. We always make a great team.

So what's next?

PMG: Now let's find a solution to the NRO.

PAAZ: I have a better idea, let's take a toilet break!!!!