The General's Interview! [Un-Published]

INTERVIEW WITH

PRESIDENT GENERAL PERVAIZ MUSHARAF

WHS: Welcome sir welcome , welcome to Lassi with Ussi .

GPM: Tum phir agia, don’t you have any self respect.

WHS: sir aik hi Interview tu hain please give me.

GPM: I am not giving interviews to any channel now, I don’t like them and they don’t like me.

WHS: Khair sir I am special, It Exclusively for US

GPM: you special haan ye tu hain, US ke liye, tum US kab gaye

WHS: US nahi sir US magazine.

GPM: per tum ko kyun do interview

WHS: First interview for Us of you was done by me, aur lagta hain last bhi mujh ko hi kerna pare ga.

GPM: ohboy, okay lets start.

WHS: first question, How are you?

GPM: well no body has asked me this question in a long time, I am fine don’t I look fine?

WHS: How your relationship with the new government?

GPM: Extremely peaceful, I don’t talk to them. They don’t talk to me.

WHS: You must be quiet relax now days, new government, new ministers, Q league out.

GPM: Yes, you are right; I am relaxed in fact I’m quiet free now days. Abhi farigh time tha so I went to China.

WHS: Okay that nice, lets talk about your Tour de China, How were they Chinese? How things went

there?

GPM: personally I got really mad, wohi hora hain jo Pakistan mein hora hain.

WHS: Sir, How can you compare China with Pakistan?

GPM: waha six days ka stay tha mera, pooray 6 days yahi sun ta raha Zong, Pong Ding Dong

And when I came back yahan per Tv per bhi yahi hora tha Zong n Zong dil chaha bohat kuch kehdo per control kerliya.

WHS: Waise Sir, aap China kya gai , woh Dr. Sahab phir wapas agai.

GPM: Who Doctor?

WHS: Sir, wohi Dr. Shahi Masoor, woh jo qayamat ki nishaniya bata bata ker darate hain.

GPM: acha woh wapas agaya, chalo Qayamat ki aik aur nishani poori hogaye.

WHS: You also went to see the match between Pakistan and Bangladesh.

GPM: boring, totally boring.

WHS: Sir it was against Bangladesh, what do you expect?

GPM: array yaar who baat nahi jabke Bangalis se mere purrani association hain, if you have read my book actually the problem was there were no cheer leaders mazaa hi nahi aya, soch raha tha IPL bhi dekh aoa. Khair next question..

WHS: Waise sir cricket ki baat nikli hain tu , Do you think that the ban on Shoiab Akhter is justified.

GPM: Under PCO every thing is justified. waise an appeal was made by him to me to lift the ban. I said cricket choro, waise bhi you are always out of cricket but always in the news, so open a new channel license ka intizaam main kerdo ga saab khol rahe hain tu bhi khol lie.

WHS: funny advice, so what do you think will he open a news channel?

GPM: haan haan I also suggested him a name; Rawalpindi Express News - Shoiab per har waqt nazar.

WHS: Rawalpindi Express News, wow that’s very creative of you Sir. Now on a serious note. The new government came. They all protested against you. The Ministers took oath under protest by wearing black arm bands.

GPM: nahi tu , no protest against me and those black arm bands are in fashion in fact the black color is in fashion for the past 1 year.

WHS: how?

GPM: listen to me, it all started with the Jamia Hafsa chicks, black burqas, then came the Lawyers movement. Black Black every where on the streets, then came the media blackout. Saare channels chutti per chale gai. If you notice after I doffed my Uniform I wear black suits and I also look good.

WHS: sir waise are the judges going to be reinstated?

GPM: what judges, who judges?

WHS: Sir you know what I am talking about.

GPM: Yes I know, aik kam kerna jab judges bahaal ho gaye tu give me a miss call.

WHS: Okay I will but don’t you think they should be reinstated after all.

“Judges ki Bahaali

Qoum Ki Khushaali”

GPM: abbey oye.

“Judges ki bahaali

Meri Baadhaali”

Next question!

WHS: Why Perviaz Kiyani as your successor?

GPM: simple woh bhi Perviaz, hum bhi Perviaz aur waise bhi I thought his name would look very dashing with his future rank i.e.

President General Perviaz Kiyani!

WHS: Sir what are your future plans

GPM: Well I will be starting my own show which will be titled “Kya App BA pass se teez hain?” the show will be endorsed by

The election commission of Pakistan

WHS: Sir your TV appearances have decreased a lot, why?

GPM: I told you TV channels don’t like me any more so they don’t call me, they still call Sheik Rasheed but not me thou I was invited by Nadia Khan a couple of days back but I rejected the offer.

WHS: Why sir

GPM: Actually I was afraid Nadia Khan will make me do Happy To You segment, yaar ab khud soch main kaisa lagta Happy To You kerta huwa?

WHS: That’s true, well Sir, I think its enough for now, thankyou for your time

GPM: wait wait ye bata woh commando and the Chick ka kya bana, where are they?

WHS: Sir, they live with me at lallu land

GPM: Haan bhai any thing is possible, you are WHS.

WHS: Thankyou sir! goodbye

Movies to watch out for - YOU Magazine, The News International

Movies to watch out for...

Exams are over and now it's your turn to entertain your kids with some fun-filled movies showing at local cinemas

Complied By Waqas Hassan Sharif

DATED: [26- FEBRUARY-2008]

Enchanted

Satires of Disney-style fairy tale movies have become a mini-industry in recent years; examples include 'Ella Enchanted', 'The Princess Diaries', 'Happily N'Ever After' and, of course, the 'Shrek' films. Directed by Kevin Lima, Enchanted is a sweetly irreverent spin on classic Disney-fied fairy tales. An expert blend of comedy, romance and adventure, Enchanted will be just as fun for adults as for children. It will be especially appreciated by those familiar with the history and films of the Disney studio.

The tale follows Giselle (Amy Adams), a beautiful and plucky young lass who is waiting for her Prince Charming - or, in this case, Prince Edward (James Marsden ) - so she can live happily ever after as his princess. Like countless fairy tales, there is a power struggle in a magical kingdom, this one known as Andalasia. Young girls in particular are liable to be, well, enchanted by the movie's heroine, chirpy Giselle, who is exiled to New York by a wicked witch (Susan Sarandon). Masked balls, poison apples, midnight transformations and other familiar fairy-tale ingredients are here; but screenwriter Bill Kelly spices them up with real-world complications.

Enchanted offers plenty of warm and fuzzy feelings - and should get your toes tapping during the original song and dance numbers. In a way, 'Enchanted' repeats in miniature Disney's progress over the decades, from early animation triumphs to the sometimes disappointing live-action films of recent years. Director Kevin Lima's obvious affection for the Disney legacy is just one reason why Enchanted succeeds so well.

Jumper

Based on the novel by Steven Gould, 'Jumper' as a distinct premise, offers tantalising possibilities. The ability to transport yourself from one location to another with simple mind control is a cool rule of the world. The film speaks to some of the far-reaching potential of the power. Director Doug Liman, whose credits include 'Mr. & Mrs. Smith' (2005) and 'The Bourne Identity' (2002), has the bongo-staccato beat to give the teleportation in Jumper a rhythm and beauty.

David Rice (Hayden Christensen) is a high school geek in Ann Arbor, Michigan, who desires a lovely lass named Millie (Rachel Bilson). When a present he gives her is thrown by a bully onto a frozen river, David falls through the ice while retrieving it - certain to drown. It's then that he discovers he's a 'jumper' and has the ability in organic form to transport himself to another location just by thinking about it.

The action in the movie is grand and wildly imaginative, shot and edited so adroitly that you wish the movie could have teleported in some genuine human characters. In its essence 'Jumper' simply jumps.

National Treasure 2

In 2004 Jerry Bruckheimer produced 'National Treasure', a nenjoyable adventure best described as 'The Da Vinci Code' but with American history. After three years he came up with the sequel, National Treasure: Book of Secrets.

Treasure-hunter Ben Gates (Cage) is horrified when his all-American family name is sullied by allegations that his ancestor planned the assassination of Abraham Lincoln. Evidence provided from a mystery man (Harris), leads him to the conclusion that if he solves a series of puzzles, he can find the lost city of gold hidden by native Americans and therefore clear his family name. He's joined in this quest by his bickering ex (Kruger), his goofy sidekick (Bartha), his befuddled father (Voight) and his bickering mother (Mirren).

Book of Secrets has significantly better setpieces than the first film. With this, Bruckheimer proves himself willfully unafraid to spend massive sums of money and to put every dollar of it on-screen. When the heroes find the city of gold, it's a miracle of production design, even if it doesn't really make sense.

Don't go in expecting craftsmanship like you get from a Steven Spielberg; just go in expecting a bit of fun and you'll be pretty much fine. Written by Cormac and Marianne Wibberley and directed by Jon Turtletaub, it continues the whodunit/where-is-it/what-does-it mean formula. It's a picturesque, minor-league Indiana Jones romp, filled with arcane information - and adding spunky Helen Mirren to re-kindle an old flame is a humorous touch. On the whole 'National Treasure: Book of Secrets' is a fun-filled historical trivia.

Every One Needs A Stick! - Us Magazine, The News International

pollutics
Everyone needs a stick

By Waqas Hassan Sharif

It was early morning and the president was enjoying a nice cup of tea with the first lady. The cosy interlude was broken by shrill screeching from outside. Anticipating yet another protest from the lawyers, Mush ran towards the balcony and saw an angry mob of female protesters.

Mush to the first lady: They are not lawyers, they are all females, and damn! None of them is hot!

Mush calls Information Minister Durrani.

Musharraf: Durrani, what's happening?

Durrani: Sir, the female students of Jamia Hafsa are demanding the imposition of Shariah in the country.

Mush: Acha aik kam ker, ask Shaukat to call me.

Shaukat Aziz calls after a long time.

SA: You wanted to talk to me, sir?

Mush: Maine kab kaha tha aur tu ab phone ker raha hai.

SA: Sorry, actually credit khatam ho gaya tha, abhi abhi Rs.50 ka easy load kerwaya hai.

Mush: You are such a miser. Why don't you take a post-paid connection?

SA: Gladly, but first increase my salary.

Mush: What's happening?

SA: Sir, the female students of Jamia Hafsa have kidnapped a woman on charges of adultery and tried her in their own court.

Mush: What, their own court! What happened to the civil courts?

SA: Well, technically sir, since you fired the Chief Justice, and the acting one is not acting at all, all the lawyers are busy picnicking on the roads playing the updated version of 'Chor Police'. They are calling it 'Lawyer Police', so the civil courts are not functioning.

Mush: What rubbish! I will take care of this issue. You go and attend the Saarc conference and don't play any hanky panky with Sonia Gandhi.

(Mush's secretary walks in)

Sect: Sir, we have to do some thing.

Mush: I know. Let's have them arrested.

Sect: On what charge, sir?

Mush: Well, they are creating noise pollution.

Sect: Sir, I am talking about the Pakistan cricket team...

Mush (interrupting): Get them arrested, too!

Sect: On losing to Ireland? That would be harsh. Who did you want arrested in the first place?

Mush: The chicks outside.

Sect: Oh, dunno know anything about them, but the people are demanding answers and are very angry with the team.

Mush: Umm

Sect: The PCB management, selection committee and the captain have resigned.

Mush: Ok, get me Inzi on phone.

Mush: Hullo Inzi!

Inzi: Hello, sir.

Mush: What have you and your boys, excluding Rana Naveed of course, done? You people lost again and have given Imran Khan another chance of minting money by criticising me. Do you know what I am going to do? I am going to sack the ad-hoc committee and the new committee will comprise the management and students of Jamia Hafsa; they will teach you all a lesson. You and the boys stand in great need of the sticks being wielded by Jamia Hafsa commandos.

Inzi: Sir Salam, first of all I would like to thank Allah, yes

sir, the girls are doing a good job.

Mush: Abay, why the hell do you start every sentence by 'first of all...?'

Inzi: Sir jee, dekhain na main retire ho gaya hoon. If you bring Jamia Hafsa in the PCB, tu main tu bach gaya and the rest of the boys, including Rana, phass gaye. Aur sir, jahan tuk Imran bhai ki baat hai tu aap ko kya lagta hain Jemima Bibi un ko chor ker kyun bhagi?

Mush: Why have you been out of form for such a long period now?

Inzi: Wo jon sa hain na sir wo George Bush. Since I played with him, I have been out of form. Bush ne mujh ko nazar lagadi!

Mush bangs the phone.

(Qazi Hussain calls in)

Mush: Hell-O, who is this?

Qazi: It's me, dude. What's up?

Mush: What's wrong? Why are you bothering me so early in the day?

Qazi: I need you to get me arrested for few days.

Mush: Why again?

Qazi: It's damn hot outside and the lawyers are calling me to come with them to protest against the removal of the CJ. I don't want to go out in the heat.

Mush: Ok, done. Don't worry. Do you want any one else arrested to keep you company?

Qazi: Imran Khan.

Mush: But why Imran?

Qazi: He will acquire a tan if he accompanies the lawyers. And then more gori maimain will become interested in him. I will feel jealous - they don't give me a second glance and go ga ga over him!

Mush: Rubbish! What do you know about Jamia Hafsa?

Qazi: Jamia Hafsa? What's this?

Mush: What, you don't know about Jamia Hafsa and you call yourself a Qazi!

Qazi: The number you have dialled is not responding. Please try later.

Mush: Phir bhag gaya!

(Secretary walks in again)

Mush: What's the latest on Jamia Hafsa issue?

Sect: Sir, the Jamia Hafsa people have claimed that people came to them and complained about those immoral women, and since the policemen were engaged in corruption, they took action. They also said that if anybody calls them or complains about anything, they would take action.

Mush: What are they, the Justice League or the Power Puff girls!

Sect: We have tapped their emergency hotline, and people are calling for help already.

Mush: What? A hotline?

Sect: Yes sir, 0900 - 786 - 007

Mush: Do you have any recordings?

Sect: Yes, sir. I am playing it.

(Recordings get played)

Welcome to Jamia Hafsa call centre. For English, press 1, for Arabic, press 2 and for Urdu, press 3.

You have pressed 1 for English. For domestic issues, press 1, for international issues, press 2 and to talk to our call centre personnel, press 3.

Caller: Hello

Person @ call centre: Welcome to Jamia Hafsa complaint centre.

Caller: Bhai, it's raining cats and dogs and the Clifton underpass has become flooded. There is a bad traffic jam. What do we do?

Person @ call centre: It is the new policy of the government to fill underpasses with water.

Caller: What?

Person @ call centre: Sir, the opposition is opposing the Kalabagh Dam, but the rainwater has to be stored somewhere. At present, underpasses are the best option.

Caller: Ok, thank you.

Caller 2: I have not been receiving drinking water for a long time. What do I do?

Person @ call centre: Sir, you can always try your nearest underpass.

Caller 3: Hello, this is Haroon, the singer!

Person @ call centre: Yes sir, I recognise your voice. What's your problem?

Haroon: My albums are not as hot as those of Fakhir. What do I do?

Person @ call centre: Stop composing your own music!

Caller 4: Hullo, hullo, I am a big fan of your service. Please play my request 'Saathiya' by Ali Khan. My complete address is Gali number 100, Ghar number 420/9211. I will wait for your surprise gift.

Person @ call centre: Ma'am you have dialled a wrong number!

Caller 4: But I am a big fan...

Person @ call centre: Ma'am, you have dialled a wrong number, thank you for calling Jamia Hafsa hotline.

Mush: What is this crap? I think I should now write 'In the line of Fire 2'.

Interview With Shirin Naqvi - Us Magazine, The News International

Interview
Marching forward !

By Waqas Hassan Sharif

Interview with Shirin Naqvi - Founder School Of Leadership

DATED: [16-MAY-2008]

YLC or the Young Leaders Conference is a phenomenon that occurs every year from 1st to 6th July. It is held in Lahore, Karachi and Rawalpindi. Youth from all over Pakistan participate in it and get the chance to appreciate the diversity that exists in our country. During these 6 days, many workshops are held: these can be on leadership or even on appreciating how blessed and fortunate are people who are well off and physically sound. Young people from different provinces are divided into groups and made to work with each other. As a result, misconceptions and prejudices are removed. That, in itself, is a great service to the country. In fact, we suggest that the government also send its representatives to hunt for talent, and then train the brilliant young people as future politicians.

Us caught up with Shirin Naqvi, the dynamic lady who started all this in Pakistan. How we wish that more people start following her lead to engage the young people of the country and tap the invaluable resource that is being wasted. Only by empowering the youth can Pakistan move forward!

Tell us some thing about yourself.

I did my matriculations from Peshawar, then I did my bachelors in econometrics from Kinnaird College, Lahore. After that, I did my MBA from IBA Karachi. Besides all this, I have done a number of courses from the US. Right now I am working with three organisations which are Navitus, a consultancy firm; SoL – School of Leadership and SoL Foundation where we work with children with disabilities.

What was the concept behind YLC? What made you think of starting SoL?

SoL started when we did the Young Leaders Conference in 2002. I got the idea of starting YLC from GYLC, the Global Young Leaders Conference which is held in New York. I simply thought that it should happen in Pakistan too. So I contacted many people like Javed Jabbar so that the process could get started. Then we opened SoL in 2003. At first it was a small room with three people sitting together.

What is the aim of YLC?

YLC aims towards two things: one is to make people realise how much potential they have; to believe in themselves, and to build their confidence. The second aim is to realise the inside out approach; main hoon tu duniya hain!

What is the difference between the GYLC and YLC?

GYLC is very different from YLC. In GYLC you have to represent a country and in YLC we focus on leadership.

Besides YLC, what are the other projects of SoL for the youth?

Other than YLC, we are currently running TTYT. It stands for 'Train the young trainer'. In this project we train youths from ages 18-22, and we have been doing this for the last six years. We have about 120 trainers now. The trainers conduct workshops and the graduates of TTYT run the YLC.

We also conduct summer camps in public speaking. These are of two types:

One is 'Impact' which is for 14-17 year olds. And the second which is for the youth between 18-24 year olds is the 'Hyde Park Junior'. In these camps we focus on public speaking skills and confidence. There is this other programme which we are doing in coordination with a cellular company in which we go to different universities and provide career counselling to students. We also conduct a Women Conference of 3 days on women empowerment in which women from ages 18 – 80 participate.

Your definition of Leadership?

That you are able to make decisions, assume responsibility and take risks in making your choices in life. That is, not living it according to what the zamana says, but because what you think is right.

Initial problems, response of sponsors?

We just jumped into it without having adequate funds. But luckily, within one year, our integrity and reputation was established in the corporate and the social sectors.

At our first YLC, we had zero funds. So I sold some of my gold and got the money I needed, and with that we made visiting cards and letterheads on which we wrote the idea and sent it to about 150 different companies. 134 students attended the first YLC.

What is the difference between a Leader and a Manager?

There is no difference as the definition goes in the 21st Century. In today's time, leadership is a function of management; it's not a separate function. Every manager has to be a leader.

How do you motivate your team members?

I don't have to! They are already motivated. The idea is so powerful itself that they get enthralled by it.

What are your future plans and targets?

I always wanted to go into politics, but I don't have a political background, so it's a bit late. And in addition, I am quite naïve. But I am really interested in starting a school for politicians called the School of Governance. But I don't know whether parents will send their children for politics (laughs). And secondly, I would like to work with disabled youth and make them more economically empowered.

What expectations do you have from this year's YLC?

Same as before; we will hopefully enable 300 youths to become more confident and stand up and face the world.

What have you learnt from YLC?

Every year, almost on the 5th or 6th day, I say no more! It's not useful; nahi seekhay gain.

What about international students?

This is not our target. We announce our programme and whoever wants to come, comes. But this year we have got so many applications from all over the world that we had to Google the countries and see if they even exist. We got about 50 applications from Nigeria. We requested them to send 20 students. We told them that we would go to Nigeria the next year and train the youths over there.