The General's Interview! [Un-Published]

INTERVIEW WITH

PRESIDENT GENERAL PERVAIZ MUSHARAF

WHS: Welcome sir welcome , welcome to Lassi with Ussi .

GPM: Tum phir agia, don’t you have any self respect.

WHS: sir aik hi Interview tu hain please give me.

GPM: I am not giving interviews to any channel now, I don’t like them and they don’t like me.

WHS: Khair sir I am special, It Exclusively for US

GPM: you special haan ye tu hain, US ke liye, tum US kab gaye

WHS: US nahi sir US magazine.

GPM: per tum ko kyun do interview

WHS: First interview for Us of you was done by me, aur lagta hain last bhi mujh ko hi kerna pare ga.

GPM: ohboy, okay lets start.

WHS: first question, How are you?

GPM: well no body has asked me this question in a long time, I am fine don’t I look fine?

WHS: How your relationship with the new government?

GPM: Extremely peaceful, I don’t talk to them. They don’t talk to me.

WHS: You must be quiet relax now days, new government, new ministers, Q league out.

GPM: Yes, you are right; I am relaxed in fact I’m quiet free now days. Abhi farigh time tha so I went to China.

WHS: Okay that nice, lets talk about your Tour de China, How were they Chinese? How things went

there?

GPM: personally I got really mad, wohi hora hain jo Pakistan mein hora hain.

WHS: Sir, How can you compare China with Pakistan?

GPM: waha six days ka stay tha mera, pooray 6 days yahi sun ta raha Zong, Pong Ding Dong

And when I came back yahan per Tv per bhi yahi hora tha Zong n Zong dil chaha bohat kuch kehdo per control kerliya.

WHS: Waise Sir, aap China kya gai , woh Dr. Sahab phir wapas agai.

GPM: Who Doctor?

WHS: Sir, wohi Dr. Shahi Masoor, woh jo qayamat ki nishaniya bata bata ker darate hain.

GPM: acha woh wapas agaya, chalo Qayamat ki aik aur nishani poori hogaye.

WHS: You also went to see the match between Pakistan and Bangladesh.

GPM: boring, totally boring.

WHS: Sir it was against Bangladesh, what do you expect?

GPM: array yaar who baat nahi jabke Bangalis se mere purrani association hain, if you have read my book actually the problem was there were no cheer leaders mazaa hi nahi aya, soch raha tha IPL bhi dekh aoa. Khair next question..

WHS: Waise sir cricket ki baat nikli hain tu , Do you think that the ban on Shoiab Akhter is justified.

GPM: Under PCO every thing is justified. waise an appeal was made by him to me to lift the ban. I said cricket choro, waise bhi you are always out of cricket but always in the news, so open a new channel license ka intizaam main kerdo ga saab khol rahe hain tu bhi khol lie.

WHS: funny advice, so what do you think will he open a news channel?

GPM: haan haan I also suggested him a name; Rawalpindi Express News - Shoiab per har waqt nazar.

WHS: Rawalpindi Express News, wow that’s very creative of you Sir. Now on a serious note. The new government came. They all protested against you. The Ministers took oath under protest by wearing black arm bands.

GPM: nahi tu , no protest against me and those black arm bands are in fashion in fact the black color is in fashion for the past 1 year.

WHS: how?

GPM: listen to me, it all started with the Jamia Hafsa chicks, black burqas, then came the Lawyers movement. Black Black every where on the streets, then came the media blackout. Saare channels chutti per chale gai. If you notice after I doffed my Uniform I wear black suits and I also look good.

WHS: sir waise are the judges going to be reinstated?

GPM: what judges, who judges?

WHS: Sir you know what I am talking about.

GPM: Yes I know, aik kam kerna jab judges bahaal ho gaye tu give me a miss call.

WHS: Okay I will but don’t you think they should be reinstated after all.

“Judges ki Bahaali

Qoum Ki Khushaali”

GPM: abbey oye.

“Judges ki bahaali

Meri Baadhaali”

Next question!

WHS: Why Perviaz Kiyani as your successor?

GPM: simple woh bhi Perviaz, hum bhi Perviaz aur waise bhi I thought his name would look very dashing with his future rank i.e.

President General Perviaz Kiyani!

WHS: Sir what are your future plans

GPM: Well I will be starting my own show which will be titled “Kya App BA pass se teez hain?” the show will be endorsed by

The election commission of Pakistan

WHS: Sir your TV appearances have decreased a lot, why?

GPM: I told you TV channels don’t like me any more so they don’t call me, they still call Sheik Rasheed but not me thou I was invited by Nadia Khan a couple of days back but I rejected the offer.

WHS: Why sir

GPM: Actually I was afraid Nadia Khan will make me do Happy To You segment, yaar ab khud soch main kaisa lagta Happy To You kerta huwa?

WHS: That’s true, well Sir, I think its enough for now, thankyou for your time

GPM: wait wait ye bata woh commando and the Chick ka kya bana, where are they?

WHS: Sir, they live with me at lallu land

GPM: Haan bhai any thing is possible, you are WHS.

WHS: Thankyou sir! goodbye