POLITICAL CHIT CHAT
By Waqas Hassan Sharif
Published in
SPIDER Magazine - The Dawn Group Of Newspapers
DATED:[JUNE 2008 Issue]
Pakistani politicians go high tech. In order to escape the ever vigilant media, they decide to use
‘chat room’ politics to hatch new deals.
Here is a conversation gleaned through a new Internet watch dog…
Asif Zardari signs in:
Asif Zardari says: Where is Nawaz, why isn’t he here yet?
Asif Zardari changes nick to A to Z.
A to Z says: Nawaz is always late, itni time mien tu judges bahaal ho jatay and why the hell am I chatting with myself?
Nawaz Sharif has just signed in.
A to Z: Welcome, brother,
Nawaz Sharif: Hi Asif Bhai, kya haal hain? It’s Shahbaz, Nawaz bhai is coming. I am using his ID.
A to Z says: Ok, tell him to hurry. We have a lot of work to do.
Nawaz Sharif says: Can I ask a question?
A to Z says: Go ahead, Shahbaz.
Nawaz Sharif says: asl plz
A to Z says: ha – ha – ha very funny, call your big bro at once.
Nawaz Sharif says: Haan Asif Bhai aur Allah Tallah ke fazlo karam se I have signed in.
A to Z: First of all I would like to thank Allah God you are finally online.
Nawaz Sharif: Bhai kaise nahi ata, awam ka heavy mandate hai mere pass. But why have you called me here? There are lots of cities remaining in the world where we can meet.
A to Z says: First of all, change your nick and then I will tell you.
Nawaz Sharif changes nick to Bara Sharir.
Bara Sharir says: Now, tell me!
A to Z says: My brother, this chat room is my place of peace and zeal; no body can disturb us here. We can discuss all major issues here in complete privacy.
Bara Sharir says: Yani no media, no cameras, no paparazzi?
A to Z says: Exactly bro! Na hum per aab kissi ki Nazar hogi, and no body will tell us ke is tarha geo ya us tarha geo.
Bara Sharir says: Cool! Now I UNDERSTAND THE DIFFERENCE.
A to Z says: What took you so long in coming online?
Bara Sharir says: Shahbaz forgot the password.
A to Z says: By the way, what’s your password?
Bara Sharir says: My password is I love Musharaf.
A to Z: I LOVE MUSHARAF , that’s your password!
Bara Sharir says: Yes, even the ISI can’t guess my password; nobody can hack my account. Waise I have got a serious problem.
A to Z says: Tell me some thing new?
Bara Sharir says: My PC has become very slow; it takes about 10 minutes to boot.
A to Z: Tell me your system configuration.
Bara Sharir: Bhai solid system hain mera.
Intel Core 2 Quad, 2-Gbx2 Ram
A to Z says: Wow, cool system! Which operating system are you using?
Bara Sharir says: Windows 98
A to Z says: People are using Longhorn and you are still stuck on 98, why?
Bara Sharir says: Last time I was Prime Minister in 98, so you see the emotional attachment.
A to Z says: So when will you get an update?
Bara Sharir says: When are the next ill- actions?
A to Z: I hope not so soon.
Unknown user has just signed in
Bara Sharir says: Ye kon aya, Asif bhai?
A to Z says: He’s a nice friend of mine, senior to us
salam kero!
Bara Sharir says: Salam unknown user bhai, how are you?
Unknown user has changed nick to GPM.
Bara Sharir says: What the hell and no salam to GPM, A to Z let’s leave, what is general sahab doing in our chat room?
A to Z says: Relax, Nawaz. Welcome to Zardari House - Online Edition GPM.
Bara Sharir says: No, I am leaving. This chat is against the constitution of 1973. I am boycotting this chat, good bye.
Bara Sharir has left the chat room
A to Z says: So how is life Mr. GPM?
GPM says: I am fine, A to Z, Thank God Nawaz Sharir left. Let’s make a quick deal then.
A to Z says: Sir, I am not in mood to discuss polutics, can we talk about some thing else?
GPM says: Tell me, yaar, I need to buy a 3d card, which one should I choose?
A to Z says: Depends on the game you wana play, which game do you want to play?
GPM says:
A to Z says: It’s a very heavy game. You need strong support. I am upgrading my system, and planning to buy the NEO category mentioned in SPIDER.
GPM says: NEO category, that’s so cheap. Raise your standards, dude; you are the government! Awam ke pasie ka kuch tu kero.
A to Z says: I will, can you please tell Mr. Bush not to interfere in my government
GPM says: Don’t worry He won’t, I taught him a lesson.
A to Z says: really how?
GPM says: He was bugging me over Military aid, I warned him aab kuch bola tu phir YouTube band kerwado ga. He is pretty calm now.
A to Z says:
GPM says: I only want to tell you that there is no way that judges can be reinstated.
A to Z says: Why?
GPM says: Listen to me, it’s a serious issue. The problem is that I am using pirated version on Windows on my PC. Judges bahaal hotei hi mere oopar Bill Gates case kerde ga piracy ka.
A to Z says: Install genuine software on your PC.
GPM says: No way. I bought XP cd for Rs30/-! I am not wasting Rs.6000/- on a CD. After all, ye awam ka paisa hain.
Bara Sharir has signed in.
A to Z says: Buddy, you are back.
Bara Sharir says: Aur Allah ke fazlu karam se I am back. Asif Bhai I have come to save you from this dictator.
GPM says: :):):):):)
Bara Sharir says: What so funny, GPM?
GPM says: Your password I LOVE MUSHARAF you have such sweet secret feelings for me.
Bara Sharir says: A to Z, you told my password to GPM, you made a deal?
A to Z says: No, I didn’t. GPM, how do you know his password?
GPM says: I know everything. After elections I ordered all intelligence agencies to monitor Sharir’s PC. I sent him a mail which contained a Spyware. He opened the mail and my work was done. Sharir, why do you think your PC is running slow?
Bara Sharir says: I didn’t receive any mail from you.
GPM says: You did. It’s subject was how to get rid of 58-2(B) and General Musharaf. Remember?
Bara Sharir says: Yes I did. See, Zaradari Bhai, I told you mere khilaf Aiwan Sadr se sazish horahi hain.
A to Z says: GPM, this is not a good move. Should we protest?
GPM says: What about you people spamming my mailbox with all those hate mails? My 100 GB account got full, which is why I had to impose Emergency.
Well I am off to Bush’s chat room. You see, jab tak Bush, tab tak Mush!
GPM has left the chat room
A to Z says: Well, well, well… I think I need to go on urgent family business; my polo horse is sick.
A to Z has left the chat room
Bara Sharir says: now what do I do, I have no choice but to announce to this empty chat room that my party is leaving the federal cabinet.
A to Z has just signed in
A to Z says: What!! .You are leaving what??
Bara Sharir says: didn’t you left?
A to Z says: I was in offline mode.
Bara Sharir says: you were avoiding me
A to Z says: not exactly!
Bara Sharir says: I e-mailed you a draft regarding the judge’s reinstatement issue.
A to Z says: I don’t read spam mail
Bara Sharir says: You think I sent you junk mail? 12th of May has passed away and still no judges.
A to Z says: I stated the date but not the year.
Bara Sharir says: ok, now as a protest my ministers will be leaving the cabinet.
A to Z says: but my cabinet is already locked
Bara Sharir says: this is not a joke, I will protest on the streets too!
A to Z says: whatever dude!
CHP has just signed in
CHP just kicked Bara Sharir out of chat room!
A to Z says: wow! Who are you CHP?
CHP says: Hamara Khuwab
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