Good Luck Mr.Gilani - Us Magazine , The News International

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Good luck!
Mr. Gilani

By Waqas Hassan Sharif

DATED: [6-JUNE-2008]

Prime Minister Gilani: Asif bhai, I am getting bored. Please tell what I am supposed to do today?

Asif Zaradari: Today, as always, you have to keep on pretending that you are the Prime Minister of this country.

PMG: Come on, I need to do some serious work now.

AZ: Okay fine, here let me give you some work.

You start your day by watching the Nadia Khan Show and tell me all the latest gossip from Bollywood and also tell me ke guest kon sa aya tha aaj. Aur haan happy birthday to you bhi wish kerna mujh ko.

PMG: Then, Sir?

AZ: Then you are going to watch the food channel and tell me what recipe Chef Zakir prepares today. Note down each and every instruction. In clean and neat hand writing. I would prefer it if you get it typed. Report back to me at 11:00 PM. Don't forget to sms me IPL scores after every over.

PMG: Sir, I prepared a report yesterday but you didn't even go through it.

AZ: Oh, I'm sorry. Acha tell me what happened in Kyun Ki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thee last night?

PMG: Sir, enough is enough, can't I meet some foreign delegation at least?

AZ: Okay fine, today I will arrange for you a meeting with the ambassador of ChituBianka.

PMG: ChituBianka? Are you sure it's a country?

AZ: Google it. If it doesn't exist we will deal with it later. Now, you do the tasks I have assigned to you.

PMG: Nobody takes me seriously; even the media is making fun of me.

AZ: Don't worry, how many times I have told you that Aiwan-e- Sadar is plotting all this. Tata!

PMG: Hello Sherry, Zardari sahib nie aaj aik new list di hai, please take a look.

Sherry: Sorry. This is too much. I can't do this everyday.

PMG: Don't you know who I am?

Sherry: Of course I know, dude. After all, I am the information minister. Please try to understand I am busy, I have to check out what Aishwarya was wearing at Cannes Film Festival. There is this gorgeous snap of hers in today's Instep Today. Bye!

PMG receives a call.

AZ: Gilani? It's me. I have a real job for you now. Guess what, you are going to meet President Bush

PMG: Seriously! Sir, you must be joking! President Musharraf always meets Mr. Bush.

AZ: Baba Sien, pack your bags, you are going on a trip of your lifetime.

Prime Minister Gilani meets President Bush at Sharm-ul-Sheikh

PMG: It's great to meet you, sir.

Bush: Me too, boy, me too. By the way, who are you?

PMG: Sir, I am the prime minister of Pakistan.

Bush: You must be the new guy. What happened to my friend Short Cut Aziz? Never mind, so you are the new stooge.

PMG: Yes sir.

Sir call for you.

Bush: Excuse me, uh… what was your name? I remember it! Gilani. Excuse me boy, I have an important call to make.

Bush on the phone.

Bush: Hi homie, what's up jiga?

After 45 minutes

Bush: It was nice meeting you, Gilani. Thank you for coming.

PMG: But sir, we are supposed to discuss issues.

Bush: I was on the phone with your co-chairman and Musharraf. Between us, we managed to settle all the issues.

Come with me, boy, we have to address a joint press conference together, be cool now.

Ladies and gentlemen, the President of the United States.

Press: Mr. Bush, please tell us some thing about your meeting with the new Pakistani leadership.

Bush: Well, it was great. Musharraf and I discussed all the issues. I also talked to co-chairman, and Prime Minister Zaradari…

Press: Mr. President, are you satisfied with the new government in Pakistan?

Bush: Yes I am, the new guys are listening to us more than we expected.

Well guys, it would be real nice of you to put some questions to the Prime Minster himself.

Press: Mr. Gilani, what's your favourite colour?

PMG: Uh, it's black. I like black.

Press: Are you sure? Have you consulted with your co-chairman on this issue.

PMG: Yes, I am sure. I consulted all the coalition partners on this issue.

Press: What were your feelings when you saw Mr. Bush in person?

PMG: I was so happy! It felt like, well, I'm the real Prime Minister of Pakistan.

Press: Please tell us about the peace deals with the tribal elders in Pakistan.

PMG: well, our government is-

Press: Sorry sir, the question was addressed to Mr. Bush.

Bush: Well, our government, I mean our government in Pakistan is making peace deals. We have great reservations over the deal. USA has nothing to do with peace.

Thank you for your questions!

Mr. Bush: Good job, Gilani, you were definitely better than Short Cut Aziz!