TalkShock
By Waqas Hassan Sharif
DATED: [11TH - JULY - 2008]
Hi and welcome to another sizzling session of Desperate Politicians, and I am your host JP
To discuss all these major issues and find a solution we have today with us in our studios the top leadership of the country: PML (N) Quaid Nawaz Sharif and Co-chairman PPP Mr. Asif Zardari.
JP: My first question is to you Mr. Nawaz; the country is facing a lot of problems and in this entire scenario how do you rate Shoaib Akhtar's IPL performance?
Nawaz Sharif: Allah tallah ke Fazlu karam se Shoaib ki performance was very good; and the credit goes to our government, varna Musharaf ne tu Shoaib ka career khatum kerdiya tha.
JP: Mr. Zardari, would you like to add to this comment?
Asif Zardari: See, when we talk about national reconciliation and where there is democracy this happens. Shoaib knew that when he was bowling he had the support of all the democratic forces of the country.
JP: Do you agree, Mr. Sharif?
NS: Yes, of course. Shoaib has the mandate and support of 16 crore awam.
JP: Shoaib is a very talented player but why are all these controversies attached to his career?
NS: Dekhay, jahan per Musharaf naam ka insaan hoga, wahan yahi hoga. Dictator should go, Asif bhai let's hit it:
(Nawaz and Asif together)
GO MUSHARRAF GO
GO MUSHARRAF GO
GO MUSHARRAF GO
JP: We shall take a little break here; see you after the break.
JP: Welcome back after the break, there has been a shocking development;
President General Pervez Musharraf has joined us.
JP: Welcome General sahab, what made you join us? This is an Anti- Musharaf show.
GPM: I was feeling bored so I thought of having some fun.
Hi Nawaz, long time no see!
Hi Asif, in a short span of time, lots of sees.
AZ: More than just sees, GPM.
JP: Wow, Nawaz and Musharraf on my programme together and that too LIVE.
NS: Dekhen Mir sahib, 16 crore awam nahi chahti that I sit with Musharraf but as you can see it's a WHS article and Musharraf has to be in it!
GPM: Asif, what were saying a few minutes ago - "GO MUSHARAF GO"??
AZ: I was saying GO Musharaf Go from Aiwan-e-Sadar and "Come Musharraf Come" to this
NS: Asif bhaiiii!!!!! This is cheating!
AZ: Oh sorry, Nawaz.
GO MUSHARRAF GO
GO MUSHARAF GO
GPM: Aasiiiif!!!!!
AZ: Yes GPM?
GPM: GO NRO GO
GO NRO GO.
AZ: Sorry GPM, pronunciation mistake; I forgot to put the "E" in
GO MUSHARAF GO.
Let me try again:
O MUSHARRAF GEO.
GPM: Perfect! Good boy Asif.
JP: Sir, we are here to discuss issues: Shoaib ki performance, his ban and King Khan hugging him, it's a serious issue.
GPM: Akhtar has performed well; let the Parliament decide about his ban. Parliament is supreme; its decision will be accepted by me.
JP: We have Shoaib Akhtar on telephone line. Jee, Shoaib Sahab, congratulations on your performance in IPL.
Shoaib Akhtar: Thank you very much.
JP: Tell us, Shoaib, did hugging Shahruck Khan feel after the match?
SA: Well, I felt really bad after Shahruck hugged me, mujh ko pehle pata hota ke I would get a hug, tu I would have joined Preity Zinta's team instead.
JPJ: Shoaib, aap King Khan ke team main select kaise hoye, ye tu bataiye?
SA: SRK called me and asked me to join his team. I told him that I was banned from cricket. I also said that I take drugs and am a playboy. Above all, I was also injured.
JP: Even then he made you a part of his team?
SA: Actually, he asked me: Shoaib, kya aap Panchvi Pass Se Tez Hain?
I replied, jee main tu bowling machine se bhi tez hoon. Then he selected me.
NS: Shoaib, you were subjected to allegations like taking dugs, going to night clubs, is this true or not?
SA: Sharif sahib, I think the answer is yes.
NS: Dekha Mir sahab, I am telling you ke jab tak Musharaf hain, masoom logo per zulm hota rehe ga. Adliya ko azaad kerwaye gaye. Shoaib ko bahaal kerwaye gaye.
SA: Nawaz sahab Adliya chorain. Dubai waloon ne Asif ko arrest kerliya hai, pehle us ko tu azaad kerwadain.
GPM: What are you saying Shoaib? Asif is here with me and so is NRO, how can he be arrested?
SA: Sir, I'm talking about Muhammad Asif; he got caught with drugs at the Dubai Airport.
AZ: Dubai waloo…. Tum kitne drugs pakroo gai
Har Asif se dugs nikle ga.
JP: Shoaib, you are back from India but you are still banned, what are you going to do now?
SA: I am also starting a news channel by the name of
Rawalpindi Express News – Shoaib per har waqt Nazar!
JP: Good luck.
SA: I want to appeal to Zaradari sahib to please give me some relief. Fine of 7 million is too much.
AZ: Don't worry, Shoaib, I will give you a 10 percent discount.
SA: Thank you, sir. Some things never change.
JP: Thank you for your call, Shoaib. Zaradari sahab, Nawaz and Musharaf sahab, things are getting out of control. Now Muhammad Asif also got caught and that too with drugs, where is this country going?
NS: Dekhain Mir sahib, jab tak Musharaf naam ka insaan, Pakistan mien hain, yahan per yahi hoga. M. Asif ki koi ghalti nahi.
JP: how?
NS: Musharaf ne Pakistan mien aata mehenga kerdiya, aab bechara Asif drugs nahi khaye ga tu phir kya kere ga.
JP: Musharaf sahab, Sharif sahab is constantly blaming you and demanding your resignation, what say you?
GPM: Really, I wasn't paying attention; actually I am expecting a call.
JP: call from whom, well we have Muhammad Asif on the line.
MA: Musharraf sahab sorry, I will not do this again, please rescue me, please.
JP: Asif, Nawaz and Zardari are also here, you can also appeal to them.
MA: No, only General sahab can rescue me. Please listen to me.
GPM: Yes I am listening, how can I help you?
MA: Sir only you can rescue me, I am asking you to please include my name in the NRO also so that I can be released too.
GPM: Sorry buddy, hard luck; only one Asif is allowed per NRO.
NS: Don't worry, Muhammad Asif bhai, hum tum ko azaad kerwaye gai.
Lahore se Dubai tak long march kare gai.
JP: Thank you for your time, Asif. Now that NRO has been popped into this discussion, what were the cases against Mr. Zardari which were withdrawn?
AZ: The cases against me were totally useless and fake.
JP: But what were those cases?
AZ: Well, there was one charge against me of stealing 10 lotas from the Prime Minister's house.
JPJ: But why did you steal lotas?
AZ: Yaar, lotay ki zaroorat kab perti hai bhai, do I have to explain?
JP: Nawaz sahab, your input on NRO?
NS: Dekhain Mir sahib, jab tak Musharaf naam ka insaan, Pakistan mien hai, yahan per yahin hoga. Lotas also don't get insaaf. We want judiciary restored.
GPM: Zardari, Dubai airport ka number dena. Let me try to get M. Asif released. Nawaz ye NRO ko Arabic mien kya kahain ge?
NS: I am not talking to you and what made you think I know Arabic.
GPM: You were living in Saudi Arabia for eight years. The sheikhs must have taught you something. What were you doing all those eight years?
AZ: Belly dancing!!
NS: Zardari bhai are you with me or with GPM.
AZ: Chaloo chupa chuppi khelte hain.
NS: Don't change the topic.
GPM: Dubai ki call lag gai.
Al- Dubia, qul General Mush speaking, qul release Al-Asif,
Al -Habibi tell your Didi Al – NRO applicable on Al-Asif too, qul. Okay? Thank you. Hogaya, Asif will fly back soon. Saara kam abhi bhi mujh ko hi kerna perta hai.
AZ: Waise Nawaz, 8 years in exile kya kiya?
GPM: Hair transplant kerwaye.
NS: At least I didn't dictate like you.
JP: Nawaz sahab aap ne hair transplant kyun kerwaya?
GPM: Mir, let me answer!
JP: Please go ahead.
GPM: Dekhain Mir sahib, jab tak Musharaf naam ka insaan, Pakistan mien hai, yahan per yahin hoga. Baloun ko bhi insaf nahi milay ga.
Even hair can be subjected to torture.
NS: Mir sahib, Allah talla ke Fazlu karam se, 16 crore awam wanted me to get the hair transplant.
GPM: Nawaz is your hair transplant according to the 1973 constitution?
NS: GO MUSHARAF GO!!!
JP: Nawaz sahab, GO Musharaf Go ki awaz has reached USA. We have President Bush on the line.
GPM: I was expecting his call.
Bush: Hi Homie, whatsup jiga?
GPM: Yo, I am fine, my brother who is not my brother.
Bush: Dam Dama Dum Dum Dum, Aur Sunao mere Humdum.
GPM: Nothing, the usual, Musharraf bashing.
Bush: Kon tang ker raha hai mere bhai ko? Nawaz and Zardari, are you with Us or not
AZ: Yes of course. We also believe in international reconciliation.
Bush: You people better start behaving; I am a very bad boy. Even IRO can't save me from my acts.
GPM: IRO?
Bush: International Reconciliation Ordinance.
AZ: Quaid-e-war on terror George Bush bhai, thank you for calling.
Bush: Don't cut me out, mind it! Waise bhi I'm leaving. Musharaf, if these guys bully you again just give me a missed call. Don't worry.
GPM: okay boss!
NS: We want Musharraf to face impeachment.
GPM: I am already facing you, what more do you want?
NS: We want judges to be restored.
GPM: Yaar Asif bohat ho gaya, kerde judges bahaal.
AZ: Look who's talking.
JP: Musharaf sahab why don't you reinstate the judges?
GPM: I only know how to fire them, no clue about how to reinstate them.
NS: We will long March.
GPM: Good for Nawaz, at least you will lose some calories.
AZ: Oh boy, another long march?
GPM: Another Long march would like be a sequel to an already super flop film.
JP: Nawaz sahab, why do you think the long march was a failure?
NS: Dekhay Mir sahib, jab tak Musharaf naam ka insaan, Pakistan mien hai, yahan per yahi hoga.
GPM: Hum picnic mananay niklay hain. Aou hamare saath chalo.
JP: Zardari sahab what is this constitutional package?
AZ: Bohat hi zabardast package hai. Package mien more then 10 friends and family PCO judges hain. Aur jab 10 friends and family judges tu phir har hour happy hour.
JP: When can we expect the judges to be reinstated?
AZ: GPM, the question is to you.
GPM: Justice Chaudry Nawaz Ki Lottery.
NS: Musharaf must be tried in court.
GPM: I don't think that would be according to my constitution.
NS: Have you ever done any thing according to the constitution?
GPM: Konsa constitution?
NS: 1973 ka constitution!
GPM: Okay fine, here's a first. Nawaz would you like to do frandship with me?
NS: Ye 1973 Aian ki khilaf hai.
GPM: Obviously, yaar.
JP: Nawaz sahab you got disqualified from contesting by-elections?
GPM: Make it quick, Nawaz.
NS: Ya sure, Mir sahib jahan per Musharaf naam ka insaan hogay wahan per yahin hoga.
GPM: It's Bye Bye Elections for you Mr. Sharif.
AZ: I think its time to end the show.
JP: Sure sir, but when are all these issues going to be solved.
AZ: Don't worry, soon; we are trying our best not to break Kashmir issue's record.
JP: Thank you all for coming and best of luck.
No comments:
Post a Comment