Jeeto chappar phar kai
By Waqas Hassan Sharif
Ladies and gentlemen and politicians, we would like to welcome you to the first ever 'Pollutics Style
First, I would like to introduce our unrespectable, detestable and biased jury. Please welcome with boots, hoots, shoes, tomatoes and eggs:
Mr. Bush, President of USA
Mr. Tony Blair, ex-pet of Mr. Bush
Mr. Hamid Karzai, present pet of Mr. Bush and also currently the president of Kabul and last and the least,
Miss AnaConda Lezaa Rice.
The purpose of awarding these awards is to promote the talent of our great countrymen. We have a great show lined up with more than 8 award categories. And don't forget that these awards are being broadcasted live from the White House, Washington D.C.
And I am your host for the show, Mr. Ghost.
Our first category for tonight is the award for the 'Best Politician In Exile',
and the nominees are:
Benazir Bhutto
Mian Nawaz Sharif
Mian Shahbaz Sharif
And the Award goes to Benazir Bhutto!
BB: Thank you, thank you. I would like to thank Mian Sahab for filing all those cases against me, which kept me out of the country and last but not the least General Sahab too!
General Sahab: I am coming, coming soon.
Thank you BB, your gems of wisdom are a great source of entertainment...oops, I mean introspection!
Our next category is the category for the 'Best Political Drama'. And the nominees are:
All Parties Democratic Movement (APDM)
All Parties Conference (APC)
The Misaq-e-Jamhoriat
And the award goes to the Misaq-e- Jamhoriat. No doubt about that, sorry but nobody is ready to accept this award, not even Khan Sahab... Well, let's move on to our next category: it is very important as it is related to our present government. It's the category for the 'Best Blunder By The Present Government'.
The nominees for this category are:
The Lal Masjid Operation
The Wana Operation
The Presidential Reference
Attack on Geo News offices
And the award goes to the Presidential Reference. To collect this award we have with us the ex-Law Minister, Mr. Wasi Zafar.
I would like to thank everybody except General Sahab for this, as I had the
HAND in it.
Thank you Mr. Wasi Zafar. Our next category is very important, as it is the key issue nowadays, it's the category for the 'Best Deal' and the nominees are:
Musharaf - Benazir deal
Chaudary Shujaat and Mulana Fazlurehman deal
Mush and Sharif brothers' exile deal
And the award goes to the Mush-BB deal. To collect this award we have once again B.B. with us.
BB: General Sahab zindabad, General Sahab zindabad. General Sahab aap kay naam kuch arz kerna chati hoon!
Ye kalaam mashoor topi baaz Himesh Reshamiya se makhooz hain
YE TERA MERA MILNAAA...
YE DEALOOON KA HONAAAA.
YE HAIN AMERICA KI MARZIIIII¶
YUNHI SAANG SAANG REHNA
TERA BIN TERE BIN PM NAHYOO BANAAAAA...
Thank you, thank you once again. Lage raho, Mushiii Bhai! Ganjay mien woh baat kaha jo app mien hain.
Now the award for the 'Most Stylish Politician'! And the nominees are:
The Sharif bothers
Imran Khan
Hafiz Hussain Ahmed
General Pervez Musharaf
And the award goes to the deserving persons, yes with their amazing and stylish hair transplant, the Sharif bothers!
And to collect this award we have chairman PML(N) Mr. Nawaz Sharif via video phone.
Mr. Nawaz: This award is not just an award but an institution, winning
this prestigious award means a great deal and Allah kay fazalu karam se
the awam wanted me to win this award and general sahab to step from
both positions. I landed in Pakistan via train on 10th September, but because I had wanted to win this award, I left the country on the first available flight four hours later...
Mr Host: Sir, sir, these are the first time these awards are being held...
Mr. Nawaz: Oh! Okay. Khair Allah kay fazlu karam se I have won my first
award aur ye meri jeet nahi jamhoriat ki jeet hai. Thank you!
Mr Host: Yaa, like whatever, thank you. Our next award is for the 'Best Media Appearance' and the nominees are:
President Musharaf for Aiwan-e-Sadr Se.
Imran Khan for Shaukat Khanum Fund Raiders
Imran Khan for Cricket cum Politics show on Geo Sooper
Dr. Sher of Afghan Niazi for Capital Talk
And the award goes to none other than Imran Khan!
Imran Khan: Dekhee, ye award mujh ko milaa hain aur mujh ko pata hai
kaise mila hai, jahan per military dictator hoga wahan per-
Mr Host: Thank you Mr. Imran for your, uh kinds words. Our next category of awards is for the 'Best Broken Promises'. And the nominees are:
Nawaz Sharif for making Pakistan the Asian Tiger
General Musharaf for the Uniform doffing
MMA for resignations not rendered
Oh wow! We have a tie, and the award goes to all of them.
Now that's called a true power sharing deal.
At the receiving end we have got Maulana Fazlur Rehman.
Maulana: According to the 1973 Constitution these awards are illegal and so is the wardi, so I condemn all of this.
Mr Host: Thank you, Maulana for your constitutional advice. Our next category is the most important and our last one, so without further delay, the category is for the 'Best Political Party'. And the nominees are:
MQM
PPP
PML (N)
PML (Q)
PML (A)
Mr Host: And the winner is the PML (A).
Hain, what's PML (A), which
party is this? Oh, we have got General Pervez Musharaf in the house.
Let's see what he has to say.
GPM: Mere bhaiyoon aur un ki behno, first of all I would like to thank Allah. Yeah, the Army boys are doing a good job. Mujh ko bohat khushi hai kay my party, the PML (A), has won the best party award. Oh, you people must be wondering what's all this about, khair it is my party, the 'Pakistan Musharraf League: Army Group'. This party comprises the Army and me and yes of course my wardi. Yes, the one and only uniform.
And in this party nobody can tell me to take off my uniform. I know my uniform is outdated and it is out of fashion, then why is everybody after it? I get it washed with the expensive wala surf that Zubaida Tariq endorses; it never stinks and I am ordering new ones too. I would now like to also give special thanks to Benazir for her kind words and I have also a special kalaam for her. This is for you BB:
IT'S ROCKING,
YAARAA KABHI DEAL TU KAROO...
IT'S ROCKING
KAROO TUM DEAL TU KAROO
CHAHAY AGAR YE DEAL TU KYA ROSHAN JAHAN KERDIEN
IS KI INAYAT HO TU PAL MEN PM BANA DIEN
MIEN SADQAY JAWAN
MEIN SADQAY JAWAN
DEAL PER YARA MIAN SADQAY JAWAAAN!
Khair bohat tafree ho gaye! I am glad I won this award. I will also win it the
next time and yes in uniform. I can see Mr. Bush in the jury and I would like to say, sir, that you hold Pakistan responsible for everything under the sun. 9/11 - Pakistan responsible; 7/7 London bombings - Pakistan responsible;
Rise of Taliban - Pakistan responsible;
Mumbai bombings - Pakistan responsible;
North Korea's Nuclear bomb - Pakistan responsible;
Rise of Al-Qaeeda - Pakistan responsible;
Nuclear Proliferation (with Iran) - Pakistan responsible.
I would like to draw the conclusion here, Mr.Bush, that Pakistan is the
most responsible country in this world, because it is always held responsible whenever something goes wrong. And for you, Karzia, go hide behind Bush and stop barking. Now aik tu ye September ka month brings bad luck for Pakistan. You see, 6th September - India attacked Pakistan; death Of Quaid-e-azam - 11th September; attack on American soil - 11th September; American pressure on Pakistan - in September. And now the exiled also returned on 10th September! You should have had a category for the Best Habitual Exiles. Oh boy! Wake me up when September ends!!!
With this we come to the end of the first ever presentation of our Pollutics Style Awards 2007. Hope to see you next year, same time same place, but hopefully not the same people! Allah Hafiz!
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