Ladies and Gentlemen, Welcome to the biggest game show of the country: Kaun Banega Prime Minister/Baad Mien cororepati. And, the host for the show is, as always – Mr. Big Shot!
MBS: Mere aziz humwatno. Mere bhayon and un ki behno, we have gathered here for the third transition towards Democracy. Rules for the game are simple as ever. We will start with the Fastest Finger First (FFF), but first we will start with the players' introduction.
The people contesting are:
1) The Shareer brothers
2) The Chaudrys
3) Mulana Fazlur Rehman
4) Imran Khan
And now, let's start our first segment: the FFF.
Q: Starting from the least arrange the following according to the most irritating of the following:
1> CNG queues
2> KESC\WAPDA
3> Sahir Lodhi show
4> Time checks
5> Politicians
6> Missed calls
7> Satires and Trust Us in Us magazine
8> Pakistani movies
And the answers are:
1> Pakistani movies
2> KESC\WAPDA
3> Missed calls
4> CNG queues
5> Satires and Trust Us in Us Magazine
6> Sahir Lodhi Show
7> Time checks
8> Politicians
All contestants have given the correct answers, so all will participate in the show, but we will start with the quickest person to give the answers.
Surprisingly, the winners are the Shareer Brothers.
MBS: Welcome to the show. Welcome to Pakistan. Yahan kasie aye?
NS: Hum Pakistan ko bachany aye hain!!
MBS: Kis se, apne aap se?
NS: Hum Pakistan ko bachanay aye hain and so we meet again.
MBS: Last time kab miley thai?
NS: 1999 maybe.
MBS: {laughing} Yeah dude! What's up? How was your vacation in Saudi Arabia?
NS: I should have known then not to make you the Army Chief.
MBS: Tu istikhara kara letey na mujh ko army chief banay se pehle.
NS: Karaya tha Mulana Fazlur Rehman se.
MBS: Tu phir kya hua.
NS: It was a YES!!!
MBS: {laughing louder} Acha, stop whining and present your party manifesto so that we can play 'Kuan Banega Prime Minister.
Chota Shareer: Big Shot sahib, ye live show hai kya?
MBS: Nahi beta, live per pabandi hai. Recorded hai.
Bara Shareer and Chota Shareer present their party manifesto…
Shareers: Hum mulk ko bachanay aaye hain.
MBS: Pehele apnay aap ko bachao mujh se. Khair, present your party manifesto, please!
Shareers: Hum mulk ko 'Amrika' se bachayenge.
Hum motor way banayenge.
MBS: Phir se?
Shareers: Puranay walay ko tor ker naya banwayenge, sir.
Hum petrol sasta karenge.
Hum time checks khatam karenge.
We will provide full freedom to the media so that they can give coverage only to us!
Hamara Intikhabi Nishaan
SHER {Lion}
Vote for the Lion.
MBS: Is your lion the same that lives in the Lahore Zoo?
Shareers: No comments. Let's play Kaun Banega Prime Minister.
Q: 1 How much is 2+2
A: 4
B: 6
C: 8
D: 10
CS: Baray Bhai, I think it's 6.
BS: Nahi Shahbash, ye bhi in ki koi chal hai.
MBS: You can use a lifeline.
Shareers: Yes, we will. 50:50
MBS: Okay, here are your options now
A: 4
C: 8
Shareers: A-4
MBS: Oh, shukar hai.
Shareers: Nahi pehle ye tou puchoo lock karna hai ke nahi.
MBS: Bah! A-4 is the right answer.
Q2: What is the capital of the US?
A: New York
B: Tokyo
C: Washington D.C.
D: London
Shareers: We know that! It's Washington D.C.
MBS: Good!
Q: What does WAPDA stand for?
A: Water and Power Development Authority
B: Water and Power Disruption Authority
C: Without Any Power Development Authority
D: What a Pathetic Development Authority
Shareers: C, Without Any Power Authority
MBS: True!
Q: Are the elections going to be rigged?
A: Yes
B: No
C: Don't know
D: All the above
Shareers: Of course the answer is A. Yes, lock it.
MBS: Sorry, guys, good bye! Wrong answer!
Shareers: No, this is cheating. This is pre-poll rigging!
NEXT!!! Please
The second to give the quickest answer were the Chaudrys.
Chaudrys: Good evening, Sir.
MBS: Good evening.
Chaudrys: Sir, please ask easy questions.
MBS: First present your party manifesto.
Chaudrys: Yes, of course.
Hamara khwab para likha Punjab
Haar qadam khushhali ki janab
Hamara Nishaan: CYCLE, wo bhi mountain bike, gear wali
Hum mulk ko corruption se pak kerdenge
Hum Nawaz Sharif ko exile kardenge
18th Febuary ko mulk ko khushhal banao
Cycle per hi mohar lagao
MBS: Bas, bas that's enough. Ye complete khushhali kab tak ayegi?
Chaudrys: Sir, jab aap kahenge.
MBS: Haan Cycle per arahi hai, pata nahi kab tak ayegi.
Chaudrys: Sir, let's play.
MBS: Here's your first question:
Q1: A political poll was conducted to see how the two leading candidates for president were doing. Obama got 47 percent, Clinton got 45 percent, and the rest of the people who responded were undecided. What percent were undecided?
Seventy-five percent (3/4) of the undecided voters were leaning toward Obama. If 200 people were polled, how many said they would vote for Clinton?
Which statement is most likely true based on the above information?
a. Obama is going to win the election.
b. Clinton is going to win the election.
c. If the election were held on the same day as the poll, and only those who were polled voted, Obama would win.
d. If the election were held on the same day as the poll, and only those who were polled voted, Clinton would win.
Chaudrys: Sir, sir! Ye kis qisam ka sawal hai?
MBS: Sawaal kerne wala main hoon, jawab tum do gai.
Chaudrys: Sir ye @$#%&^^%$@!@$^!~!#$%%##%$%
MBS: What are you saying? I can't understand you!!
Chaudrys: Sir, please ask simple questions like you did with the Shareers.
MBS: Kya hoa Chaudrys, your cycle got punctured?
Chaudrys: Nope, but ask simple questions.
MBS: OK. You people are using a lifeline, so I am going to flip the question. Computer jee, please ask the next question.
Q: I am multiplying a mystery number by zero. The product is:
a: > 0
b: <>
c: An odd number
d: 500
Chaudrys: Sir, kya aap mazaaq ker rahe hain?
MBS: Nahi, jawab do warna out.
Chaudrys: Per hamara kuch khayal karain.
MBS: Kyun kya masla hai, you belong to parha likha Punjab, right?
Chaudrys: Please think of us, we have lots of things in common.
MBS: Like?
One of the Chaudrys: The letter 'P'. You are all for Pakistan and so are we. My name is Pervaiz! P for Pakistan, P for Prime Minister and P for Power, so please thora discount dain. Aap ko 'P' ka wasta.
MBS: And P for para likha Punjab. Sorry, you guys have to leave, good bye.
Chaudrys: Sir hum nay aap ko powerful banaya.
MBS: Aur main ne tum ko bewakuf!
NEXT!!!
We have Imran Khan in the house.
MBS: What are you doing here? You are not even contesting the polls.
Imran Khan: I have come here to tell you that you are an illegitimate President. These are fake elections. They are going to be rigged. I am going to boycott the elections.
MBS: Woh tou theek hai, per yahan kyun aye ho?
Imran Khan: I have come to tell you that I am also going to boycott your stupid game show.
MBS: Bas yahi batanay aye thai? Sms kerdeyta, yaar.
Imran Khan: Yaar, jab Punjab University ke students nay mujhe mara tha, tub I think kissi ne jaib se nikaal liya mera cell phone.
MBS: Waise Immo, on a personal note, I have taken strict notice about this incident and as a result I have increased the funding of Punjab University!
Imran Khan: What the heck!
MBS: Yeah! Howzzat! Waise why are you boycotting the election?
Imran Khan: How can there be free and fair elections while you are around?
MBS: Well, I don't know about fairness, but the Elections are going to be absolutely free. No charges from voters.
NEXT!!!
We have got the rocking Maulana Fazlur Rehman!
MBS: How are you, Fazlu?
Fazlu: I am fine, dude. What's up with you?
MBS: How is MMA doing without you?
Fazlu: What did it do when I was there?
MBS: Very true! Let's play.
Q: What's the intikhabi nishaan of the MMA?
A: Tasty Chalia
B: Topi
C: SONY Bravia LCD
D: Burqa
Fazlu: It's the burqa, of course.
MBS: Sure?
Fazlu: Yeah, dude, dead sure.
MBS: Good going.
MBS: What does MMA stand for?
A: Muthahida Majlis Amal
B: Mauj Masti Association
C: Masters in Madrassa Administration.
D: Makhi Maro Association
Fazlu: It's Mauj Masti Association
MBS: Right on!
Q: What is the cheapest alternative fuel after petrol?
A: CNG
B: Ethanol
C: LPG
D: Kerosene oil
Fazlu: Diesel
MBS: Are you sure?
Fazlu: They don't call me Maulana Diesel for nothing!
MBS: Well, that's wrong. You are clean bowled, good bye.
Fazlu: This is cheating; this is pre poll rigging. We are going to protest against this and you. We are going to protest against these elections. There are going to be strikes and protest rallies against you every week. I warn you!
MBS: Will you also boycott the elections?
Fazlu: No way, bro!
MBS: Bas theek hai. Well, looks like all the losers have lost, so it's up to me again. The next episode of Kaun Banega Prime Minister baad-mien-Crorepati will be aired after 18th February 2008. Till then, happy voting!
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